WALKING IN THE MIST - The Gift of Not Knowing

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WALKING IN THE MIST

The Gift of ‘Not- Knowing’

These reflections were written in October 2011 during my stay at Die Quelle – the ISA Sadhana Ashram, in Austria. The ’threads’ that run through these reflections occurred during my walk in the mist. I realised that my experiences in the misty mountains and forests were a metaphor for life’s journey.

In the mist near Hohenau in Austria

	‘Let the silence embrace us as the mist embraces the trees’

                                                       (Ishpriya October 2011)

We are all formed and influenced by our environment and culture. Our experiences form and shape the person we are and influence our responses to life and its challenges. Our modern 24/7 world with its frenetic pace, its focus on consumerism and its growing over-dependency on modern communications has entered a stage in its evolution where instant answers and solutions are both expected and demanded.  In short, we live most aspects of our life using the same approach we often adopt with food. It must be fast! This rushed and hurried approach to life leads to increased stress and a tendency to both rush to judgement and to finding false solutions. 

Confine yourself to the present

 So taking time out, as I recently did at Die Quelle, gave me time to ‘pause for thought’. I am often drawn to a simple sign that is in the Zen Garden, at the front entrance to Die Quelle. It has a simple message ‘confine yourself  to the present.’ These words contain a deep and lasting wisdom. They are a useful reminder of the need to focus on being present to what I’m doing.  So as I left Die Quelle  in a very heavy mist, with visibility in places down to 15 metres I was forced to slow down and walk carefully.

The slower pace aided my reflections and so my thoughts turned to the busyness of life and its sharp contrast with my current pace here on a misty mountain side in South East Austria.  Here I had to take my time and carefully assess my chosen path. Although I am familiar with this part of Austria, having walked  in this area for over 10 years, hasty answers and choices were now not an option. Feeling alone, isolated and wrapped in the cold misty air, I began to understand the gift or value of not being too sure, of not knowing for certain where I was. The silence and the stillness of the misty surroundings seemed to enfold me in ‘bubble’ where I managed to get in touch with my Inner Self. This sense of space and timelessness brought my mind back to our modern tendency to live life on the run and to rush to judgement, seek solutions and avoid uncertainty, almost at all costs.

I reflected on how modern society approaches problem solving. With our access to the Information Super- Highway, Google and other World Wide Web sources, we expect immediate answers to very often extremely complex questions. In fact Google, like most web Search Engines, proudly proclaims its speed at accessing sources e.g. 350,000 sources in 0.175 seconds or something like that!   This demand for speed touches all aspects of life including politics, socials, psychological, personal and spiritual.  We are not happy with the feeling of ‘Not Knowing’.

The Mist Thickens

Several times as I continued my journey down the mountain the mist lifted slightly to reveal more and then returned to gently envelop me like a cold and wet blanket. I stopped in the shelter of the trees to pause for reflection. I realised that just as the weather can change at any time, it is a common human experience  for the ‘clouds of not knowing’ to drift into our life. I resumed my journey down the mountain via a very misty path and I was vividly reminded that in the Celtic Tradition,this concept of travelling within ‘the clouds of unknowing’ is often referred to as ‘walking in the mist’.  For those familiar with Ireland and its often wet and misty climate, this metaphor will make sense.

Despite the wet and chilly air, there was something comforting about the silence and the sense of isolation of that mist filled mountain. As Sr. Ishpriya remarked to us during our time at Die Quelle, ‘Let the silence embrace us as the mist embraces the trees’ I certainly felt embraced!

I stopped once more to reflect on some of the major experiences in my life. Like many others, I have had several long periods of living life in the ‘clouds’  and  only now and then having periods of sunshine and clarity. These times of uncertainty have been extremely difficult but the lessons learned have deepened my self-awareness, compassion and understanding.

However, I feel that giving oneself permission to ‘ not know’ and learning how to relax into a state where ‘not knowing’‘of throwing the baby out with the bath water’. 

Nature either recycles everything or only retains things that work and are in harmony with the environment.  We could learn much from this. Whilst we must wisely re-assess the past and plan 

 our own future and, if necessary, discard that which is no longer of any use or value, we also need to retain the richness of the learned wisdom of the past. 

In therapeutic psychological approaches, the skills and/or gift of ‘not knowing’ are becoming increasingly more relevant and important. They are seen to ‘mirror’ the client’s confusion. Thus therapists, who can authentically model the acceptance of ‘not knowing’, can normalise the natural confusion of life. This normalisation can then prove very therapeutic.  I feel that spiritual travellers could also find a practice of ‘the acceptance of not knowing’ very helpful. This is because, if we both trust and believe that we live in an evolving and expanding Cosmos, whose Source is Mystery, then being open to the mystery of not knowing  can be a gift.

Furthermore, as I walked down the misty pathway, I realised that even the birds were silent, as if they too were co-operating with their environment. This reminded of the time many years ago when Ishpriya introduced me to the concept of humanity accepting the responsibility of being co-creators with the Mystery and that this required each of us to co-operate with our environment. Since then, I have increasingly found, that accepting this responsibility of being a ‘co-creators, has helped me to become more comfortable with ‘not knowing’   and I am finding this to be a reassuring and liberating gift. 

Our post modern age, with its rejection of formal religion, has to some degree filled the vacuum with a religion of consumerism and modern technology. It has made a ‘God’ out of technology and the importance of amassing vast quantities of ‘information.However, my past experience as a Computer Programmer has  taught me  the difference between DATA and INFORMATION. The latter is PROCESSED DATA.  Much of the ‘so called’ information that we all collect has not been processed. It is merely vast quantities of unchecked data. In addition, as anybody can upload information on to the  Web much of it is often inaccurate and sometimes totally false. Yet, some people  place greater ‘faith’ in this source than believers do in their Sacred Scriptures!    

Perhaps this blind reliance on vast amounts of digital information is our modern equivalent of the child’s ‘comfort blanket’.  It seems to me possible that ii is rooted in two main areas. These are our feelings of discomfort if we do not know something and our cultural need to have instant answers to increasingly complex questions.  Because of our 24/7 access to news and visual media  we are challenged and confronted with problems which  other generations had little knowledge of.  All of this causes us additional and often unnecessary stress because our modern culture demands knowledge and instant solutions.

Yet, there can be a great wisdom in sitting with our unanswered questions and not rushing to judgement.  Sometimes, having the ability to pause and reflect on our confusion can give space and time for more fruitful and imaginative responses to ‘bubble up’ in us. There can be a freedom in giving ourselves permission to ‘not know’. It is a useful and humbling reminder of our humanity, its limitations and our place in the vastness of the mystery of creation and the cosmos.

We live in an expanding cosmos. We know that our understanding of this cosmos is limited; we are quite simply merely at the ‘frontiers’ of its exploration.  We also live in a time where our knowledge of our own ‘Inner Cosmos’ is only at an early stage. In the past 50 or 60 years we have learned more about the mind/brain system than in the whole of previously recorded history. We are standing at the frontiers of ‘not knowing’.

Yet, here again, we can learn much from the wisdom of the past.  Mystics from the many Faith and Spiritual Traditions have, from their lived experience, given us a rich inheritance of advice and ‘travel tips’ for the journey into mindful awareness.  In addition, the growing understanding by both modern Neuro-science and psychology is opening up and exploring the frontiers of the mind and consciousness. We now know that the mind can not only be trained but that we can also rewire our brain. There is great quote in Neuro-psychology train the mind, change the brain’  

Recently, the growing understanding from science is being integrated with the Mystical Tradition to generate further advice and ‘tips’ for developing awareness. So we can readily find much to help us to sit more comfortably with the difficult and hard to answer questions.  We can thus become more aware of the ‘Who’ that is ‘not knowing’ of the being rather than the doer. 

Learning the skills and gifts of ‘Not-Knowing Acceptance’ can be extremely useful and rewarding.  Sitting with ‘not-knowing’ and patiently waiting for a response to ‘bubble up’ can be beneficial.  It certainly helps to reduce the stress caused by our modern fad of constant movement, activity and the demand for instant answers. Ultimately, I believe that this acceptance of sometime ‘not- knowing’ can help us to find the depth within, teach us the value of mystery and could lead us into deeper union with the Mystery or Source at the heart of creation.

So learning the skills and gifts of ‘not knowing acceptance’ can not only reduce stress but can retrain the mind and thus prove both rewarding and successful. Like many others, I find the practice of sitting with this ‘felt sense’  of not knowing can result in responses bubbling up from deeper consciousness One of the fruits of the practice is that I become more aware of myself and  begin to realise that it is OK to not know. It has taught me the following lesson; that as I begin to value staying with the challenge of uncertainty, this can lead me into a greater depth of awareness of self and others. This not only has value for me at the personal and spiritual level, but also in my professional work as a therapist. It assists me to meet people at relational depth.

As a member of the International Satsang, whose basic spirituality is that of ‘reading the signs of the times’, it is important that I first learn to begin to read myself. Only then, in a spirit of humility, compassion and awe of the mystery within, could I be of any use or support for others who may be struggling, in these uncertain times, with the challenge and uncertainty of not knowing. I believe that our world could benefit if more of us began to face this uncertainty and its challenge. Facing this and beginning to find times for the practice of not-knowing acceptance could relieve much of our current stress and confusion. It could liberate us from the self-imposed and culturally influenced tyranny and pressure of having to know.

Die Quelle looms out of the mist

By now I had been walking in the mist for several hours and I realised that I needed to return to Die Quelle, both for a period of Meditation and then a warm lunch, which I knew was being lovingly prepared by one of my fellow members of the Board of Trustees. This service or SEVA of cooking for others is an integral part of the ethos and values of Die Quelle and its adherence to the spirit of being a Sadhana Ashram. Everything is part of Spiritual Practice or Sadhana.

So  I retraced my steps back up the mountain and eventually was delighted to see Die Quelle looming out of the mist. It was wonderful to step back inside the warmth and safety of its interior and to spend some time in meditation in ‘ the cave’ . This is the special place reserved for both the morning and evening Aarti ceremonies and for group Meditation.

After a wonderful lunch, appreciated both for the care and skill of the cook and the appetite caused by my time in the mist,  I sat quietly in my room writing these  reflections. They arose from  my morning walk in the mist . I now end these reflections with a brief summary.

It seems to me that we are all born out of Mystery, we are part of the continuing enfolding and evolving of this Mystery and the ongoing mystery and we all return to this Mystery. In the words of the Tao Poem all beings return to the One Source – returning to the Source is tranquillity

The final lesson for me in all these reflections is this; the how, when and why (of this return to the Source/Mystery) I do not fully know and, thankfully – that is OK!